wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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