awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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