i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
