He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Your shirt... Was in my pants
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
