Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
