You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
