i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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