Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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