Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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