Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
