guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
