So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
