Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
