that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize