The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
