Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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