I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
