I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
