apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
