No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
