I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
