I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i out mim tonsoeep
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