dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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