First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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