Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
