It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
