Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize