i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
