Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
