I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
