I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
no you cant smoke seaweed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize