Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
