Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
