I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
