If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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