what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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