where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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