Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
