dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
do nipples grow back?
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