apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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