Just cropdusted the office
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
