does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
