Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
They are going to name an STD after you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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