We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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