I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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