I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
