Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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