i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize