Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
