Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize