it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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