I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
