Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
