i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
