If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
How's work?
Spinning.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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