I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
