i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize