On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Buhtt sex?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
