I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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