DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
