I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize