4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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