I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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