My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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