he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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