i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
