he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
