I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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