; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
