K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
