Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
