We need to rekindle our bromance
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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