I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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