My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
