She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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