Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
