Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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