i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
