you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
