I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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