I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize