is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
