If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
