So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
