If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
