there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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