you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
