Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
