I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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