Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
