You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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