I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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