I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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