did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
