my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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