I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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