mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
