Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
