just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
