You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
