We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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