Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
