I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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