it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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